so, this gernle is going friends only. comment if you want to be kept/added.

i have a lot to get off my chest.

it appears my little prayer of desperation in my last post worked, for the heavens of employment have smiled upon me and offered me a position at anthropologie in rittenhouse square. hooray!

there's a big dead bug that i found yesterday while mopping the apt. it's just been laying there, a sadsack carcass in the middle of my kitchen, for almost 24 hrs. it looks like a crab or something! i do not know what to do with it. i tried to sweep it up but then the broom just rolled if over and exposed its creepy underbelly and i screamed. not nearly as bad as when i found the damn thing, but i still screamed. and i think my vaccuum won't take it, either. i do not want this...animal!!!!

in other news, i think i'm pretty much fucking up right and left. i missed the deadline to file for foodstamps so i guess i have to refile. i think i also may have missed the deadline to submit my leave of absence form to saic, not to mention my thesis, which has gone untouched for 3 mos. !%@$$. my mom and i are fighting (she's also really ill right now, which is awesome). i NEED to get it together. i have just been a sad bastard lately, i guess.

on the up side, i've had 3 job interviews this week, all of which went well, i think. ugh. i can't take this much longer. just hire me already. baby's gotta live :(

ARGH.





in other news, last night was really fun.

you wanna be a dick? by all means, be a dick!



i always have this internal battle between letting it be known that my feathers are ruffled and i'm annoyed as shit, or ignoring the situation like the taciturn, detached bitch i usually am. it takes a special concoction of immaturity, ignorance, and an utter lack of tact to get me to publicly express my annoyance. congratulations! you're dumb.

if you have this song, preferably a live version, pleeeeeeeease send it to me. it's been years since i heard it and right now few things sound as good.

i swear if i don't get this job at trader joe's, i will no longer understand anything at all...i've had TWO interviews (yeah wtf?), both times they said really nice things about me, and were shocked at my sweeping availability. COME ON. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT? i'm worried i came off like a pretentious fuck today, though. ugh. it's not my fault i have a decent work history =/ actually it is exclusively my fault. merp.

the world lost a badass russian novelist today. if you haven't, pls go read a day in the life of ivan denisovitch, or the gulag archipelago. also, i really like this picture of him and putin -- little cuties:




also:

what's with the surge in beheadings this week?

as much as i tried, some things have no answers and cannot be fixed. some things exist to be surrendered to, despite an irrational, destructive drive to turn them around.

i could sit here and type away all the misgivings, disappointments, and losses the past 8 months have brought me but truthfully i'm sick of that. i'd like to believe that my slice of the pie is still waiting for me, warming in some proverbial oven somewhere, while i recover from all this bullshit experience and the painful knowledge i've acquired in the process. i have to believe that i'm still capable of appreciating love and beauty and life in general. hope. i have to fucking hope this isn't it.


i get it. i really fucking get it. i'm short-tempered and impatient and you are a slower breed. i hope that someday someone with considerably less baggage comes into your life and can adequately control the mess i'll have made of you. i'm sorry we believed together and i ended up losing hope alone.

god damnit. if you're a fatalist at all, please try to explain to me to what end this is a means. i feel massively alone and overwhelmingly ruined.

oh, fuck. seriously?

i'm in financial hell!

ohhhh my god. i just made my proper foray into philly nightlife. zac, campbell & i went to making time first, which was great minus the weird fall out boy-ish band, then i wanted to leave but campbell insisted we go to shampoo. lo and behold, it was SHAFT FRIDAYS there -- "the hottest latin (gay) dance party every friday night in our aye papi lounge" hahahaha. there were male cage dancers in thongs and plenty of gay dudes (and ladies) who wanted to dance with us and tell us how gorgeous we were. it was fun to let loose because it's been a stressful week. i just wish i hadn't botched the entire thing by inadvertently ditching my boyfriend :/




now i get to take the train to lansdale and move shit all day. hooray family moving day.

PS I WANT TO ADOPT THIS LITTLE LADY:




HER NAME IS VELVET AND I SO LOVE HER ALREADY.

just the latest news story in our demonic world. the last sentence breaks my heart:

( this is painful to read. )



on a lighter note, i think i want to get involved with the ACCTS. i don't know how i can do anything, but my god those people need more help. ugh, humanity is so disturbing.

there's a lot of shitty art out there.
...
...
...
...
...

someone please tell me i don't contribute to it.

i think i might not get that job because i'm terribly overqualified. lolllllllllllllllllllll. i emailed arden again so hopefully they are still considering people and haven't just written me off. that'd be a MUCH better fit for me.






ugh. i'm awfully sleep deprived and i've been smoking too much. wtf.



and in other wtf news, my mom is BACK to moving back to philly again. perhaps that situation is cause for the smoking...

PEACE OUT, JESSE HELMS.



in honor of this day, my icon is two raging lesbians making out.

IN OTHER NEWS, MY FAMILY IS FUCKING NUTS AND I HAVE TO GO TO TENNESSEE TOMORROW. HOORAY!



my boyfriend is sitting across from me at the table drawing me. this reminds me how i reeeeally need to make something soon.

sewwwww


i have a cute apartment in university city. campbell and i move in on saturday.



now if i could just find someone to pay me for some sort of employment...